Well, that concludes another set of winter holidays. School resumes tomorrow and I find myself wholly awake, unable to fall into that resting state of mind, something of which that I surely require to prepare me for the incoming torrential onslaught. But, for whatever reason, my thoughts have deemed it necessary that I stay awake just a while longer. And, so, perhaps, as a final act of rebellion, I'll indulge it some more time for my consciousness to peer around my mind's vast landscape, memories of both great triumph and utter regret (though unfortunately, it seems that the latter seems to predominate).
As I tried listening to my iPod to transition into the sleep phases, I find many songs associated with very specific memories. These memories are sometimes innocuous such as the vague recollections of particular settings I had listened to the song in the past or times the songs had come up in discussion somewhere. Other times, these memories pull towards less desirable states where I well up with feelings of rueful disapproval.
Times that particular disturb are instances where there is a pronounced perception of naivete on my part. Something turns me afoul faster than watching my younger self act in his all too typical pompous self, only to neglect something obvious of vital importance (though, in his much needed defence, I guess, many times in hindsight), finally finding himself back to square one when his own deluded machinations have so inevitably failed.
Oh what a chump he was. And, oh what a chump he still is. And, oh what a chump he will e'er be. I don't doubt for a second that many more nights of such a quality await me in those ominous spaces of tomorrow.
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